ΕΘΝΙΚΑ ΘΕΜΑΤΑ-ΕΛΛΑΔΑ: Οικονομικό έλεγχο σε περίπου 600 Μη Κυβερνητικές Οργανώσεις ζητά ο εισαγγελέας

Just one example of an MKO abusing its position, defrauding the state, running non legal projects and having members of its board of Director illegally claiming to be Doctors here in Greece whilst being covered up as they actively employed its members...

http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com/the-truth-actup-greece/

Another day at the funny farm…

Not much to say really, I just felt you needed to know.

Yesterday wasn’t much better to be fair, I can only guess about what today will bring as it’s still early by Greek standards.

Waking up has proven to be a tedious affair since I moved to Greece, the heat, the way of life, 30 degrees at night don’t help you settle down in any way, however as every things so laid back, why bother. Even when I think I’m running late I’m still usually hours earlier than anyone else. It’s just the way it is, ‘Ετσι’, pronounced – ‘Etsi’ as its known here is something you grow to love and hate.

It summarises everything good and bad in life here and in general, the few things that work and those that don’t. Either way, what can you do about it… It’s the Greek way.

Pretty much everything falls into that category here and the more you stay the more you realise it. Even I find myself saying it a lot these days, where as I’d maybe be more stressed and complained about many things, now its just ‘Etsi’. I suppose it’s a polite way of saying ‘f*ck it’ as well.

Yesterday did provide more questions than answers to be fair. I had a sort of strange day in general, no particular reason I was just in a funny mood. Firstly, It’s never a good thing to wake after a night whereby you’d had a few drinks and no food all day, and secondly sometimes I really do wonder about myself. Yesterday was one such day.

It started with breakfast, a nice cup of Tea and a huge Croissant. My stomach, and head for that matter were both feeling a little delicate and apart from the Tea, I was struggling a little. The croissant is one of the ‘Molto’ bad boys you get here from Kiosks etc and when your feeling a little under the weather, they can be quite daunting.


I was desperately struggling to make progress despite the need for something edible inside me, and through the ordeal had begun reading the packet (which is in Greek of course) so its was going to be brief reading. Ingredients I could work out no problem, address was also obvious, then the general recycling diagrams which amused me in my current state, and then I spotted it.

The Croissant Hotline… (800-11-22221)

Seriously, I kid you not. It’s one thing to have the address on, the phone number and web details etc, I can get my head around that no problem. A dedicated Hotline number though was, and still is one of my greatest discoveries so far.

It blew my mind, still has. I pondered over it for a lot longer than you really should, that’s a fact. Even now I have so many questions that all sit fighting for supremacy within the confines of my head.

Is it for complaints, distribution, advice on how to eat the damn thing… What, WHY…

Surely if you wanted distribution though you’d call the main number on the packet or visit the website, even ask the guy in the Kiosk! Complaints maybe…? Well I wouldn’t have thought that either because it sort of gives you the impression that they are expecting you to complain, not a good thing. So why the hell is there a Hotline number on my Croissant packet, why do I need to call a hotline number? What am I doing WRONG…?

Do I really need advice on what to do with it? Maybe. They clearly think I might otherwise they wouldn’t have put a hotline number on it. For all I know it could be one of the Greek Emergency service numbers on it.

So, as all things in my life, curiosity got the better of me. By now I did need help, that was clear, not only was I struggling to eat the remains of my Croissant but I now had doubts on if I was eating it correctly, in if I could get another ordered to my house as a backup, or if the inevitable happened and I found myself in some way suffering as a result of it, was eagerly anticipating medical advice and anti-Croissant treatment courtesy of their magical Hotline number.

I rang, nervously expecting an answer. One ring, two rings, three rings, and then the mandatory pre-recorded message kicked in. Unsurprisingly it was in Greek, I managed to decipher enough to work out what to do, I waited again for the call to be redirected through my choice of key entry and then heard the dulcet tones of the operator.

This was her lucky day. I knew it when I called, once I’d explained in basic Greek my small language skills she acknowledged me in English.

She won’t have had many days like yesterday when I called up, I can pretty much guarantee that…

By now the whole situation had dawned on me, through gritted teeth whilst trying not to choke laughing, I tried my best to ask her what the Hotline number was for…! Whether or not I could place orders or discuss the many aspects of what this Croissant had done to my life in the short time we’d become acquainted, and why they felt it needed a Hotline number!

She was admirably professional considering the circumstances, some half-hungover madman on the other end of the phone, struggling to speak and see through tears of laughter as she bravely gave me the number for the Head office so that I could bring up these valid issues with the Managing Director…

Well, laugh… I thought I was going to have a Baby right there and then! So far for the remainder of yesterday and even today I have to stop myself from allowing myself to even think of what will happen when the Managing Director gets a call sometime later this week…

Holy Toast Batman, there’s a picture of Jesus on my Cheese Toastie…

Well, what a day so far.

I woke up, had a beautiful cup of real Tea thanks to a surprise shipment from my mum, (you rock x), and then proceeded to read another great story about some lunatic who’d discovered a ‘lifelike’ image of the Son of God on his cheese toastie…

Now where I live the average cheese toastie costs about 4.50 euro’s, I’m not sure what the price is for one with God’s son etched onto it will cost but I’m sure it won’t be cheap. Having then discovered this, would you then eat it? Sell it on eBay? Or try to turn it into a holy shrine dedicated to healing…?

Personally, I’d eat it… It’s a cheese toastie at the end of the day! One I’d have been looking forward to eating at any cost and when I’m hungry I wouldn’t even care if it was made WITH the Son of God, it’s a cheese toastie, my cheese toastie and about to be eaten.

It’s not that I don’t respect Religion, I do, but a toastie is a toastie, eating priests and choir boys is something else, not my thing but hunger is hunger. I wouldn’t want you to push the theory though and leave me on a desert Island with a priest as expecting there to be two of us when the rescue party arrives would be a little unrealistic.

Sure I’d be sad afterwards, and I’d probably be doing a lot of praying, praying that he lasted a bit longer, or praying that I found some onions and mushrooms, or a nice sauce that might help him go round, but I’d be the one worrying about if I need a diet by the time I was on my way home that’s for sure.

Now as for the toastie story, how does anyone know what Jesus looks like!?

You know, is it such a bizarre question to ask… Having not actually seen a real photo fit image or photograph on the internet or in any books – even the Bible doesn’t have a picture of the Author or any of its co-writers anywhere and that’s after lord knows how many reprints, new editions – AND if there were a Directors Cut available on DVD, that wouldn’t have a genuine picture either, I just know it..

Hold on, I think I know why now, no one actually knows what he looks like do they…!

Especially some dumb ass Joe Public. I wouldn’t even expect the Pope to really have a clue to be honest, but certainly not someone who’s crazy enough to even contemplate the fact that out of all the mysteries in the Universe, Jesus would choose to appear on HIS toastie…

It’s funny how most ‘appearances’ on toastie’s, crisps, potatoes and many of the other items that people find his face etched on all resemble the stereotypical portrayal made by Hollywood in the 50′s, similarly used by authors and printers who for generations have accepted it as an acceptable depiction of Jesus Christ!

You know the one, nice white dude, flowing hair, bit of a beard, Marks & Spencer’s robe all looking rather serene. I’d have thought that with what he’d apparently been through, he’d be looking a little more p*ssed off myself, but hey, he may have been able to forgive everyone by now. Hardly a true representation of a Jesuit from the Mediterranean area who lived a life of poverty and self-sacrifice for the greater good is it?

However its maybe not so Interesting to read about how maybe Jim Caviezel appeared on your cheese toastie is it, or what if Charlton Heston made an appearance as Moses in your frappe…!

Could I still sell that on eBay, probably, people buy any sh*te these days but that’s not my point.

Then yesterday I read another article about how another fruitcake spotted Jesus whilst browsing on Google maps.

So…Was he out shopping, buying a new house, or at the beach…? No, just his face was spread across the terrain in a very vague, Photoshop kind of way. It’s all well and good to see things that maybe resemble things in a strange ironic way but come on, its coincidence, nothing else. FACT.

Assuming it wasn’t a Photoshop job, its was just a vague image with a few things that may if you really thought long and hard about it, may resemble someone who had a beard and long hair. Lets face it, it could have been the singer out of ZZ TOP for all we know.

I’ve seen a fair share of uncanny things in my time. One of my ex-girlfriends often resembled the Devil, coincidence, NO, but what could I do, had she appeared later on my toastie, then I really would have been worried, but she hasn’t so far, having said that I won’t be paying four and a half euro’s to find out just in case.

So, Jesus… If we knew what he looked like it might help… We would maybe then and only then have at least a small indication of what we might be able to compare him with, till then, anyone who claims to have seen him appear anywhere just wants a big hug, and maybe locking up if they persist.

I’ve seen more vivid depictions in the clouds, drunk and sober, and despite this I acknowledge the fact that it wasn’t anyone sending me secret messages, it wasn’t God, Buddha or Charlton Heston wanting me to save the world, to not eat my toastie or sell it on eBay.

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

Can’t Cook, Won’t cook…

Who’s today’s special of the Day…?

Well, it seems that prison food isn’t quite up to scratch these days after a convict killed and then cooked his cellmate. It’s a shame we don’t see more of this on Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen nightmares…

Now that would be good TV, a little extreme but I think I’d have to watch it just to believe it.

Apparently a couple of inmates had a disagreement over a hygiene issue, one which was rapidly resolved when one of the convicts killed the other and then proceeded to carve him open so he wouldn’t have to stand in line for his usual helping of prison slop and could proceed to then cook him as he chose!

Two slightly alarming things run through my head with that previous statement, they are the following :

Firstly we have to hope that the one who didn’t suffer the hygiene issues was the one served up, and the other is that he had chance to cook him…!? WTF!

Its one thing to kill your cell mate (or not) and get away with it for a short period of time, but to then proceed to cook him and not be spotted doing so is quite an achievement surely?

I personally didn’t think prisoners had access to all the mod cons within their cells, washing machine, cooker, microwave and a prisoner sized large Wok! Or is it my mistake, did he assume Chef duty later that day and then proceed to drag his prize to the prison kitchens whereby he got a light marinade on, prepared Veg and then set about dismembering the body!

Either way, I’m all for prisoners helping do their bit to solve the overcrowding process, this method though a little unusual does save the average Tax payer a little money in the future I’m sure, and the knowledge that another future crime won’t be committed should they have potentially turned out to be a repeat offender. Also, the convict who was eager to appear on Master Chef will now hopefully also serve an extended sentence whereby he can attempt to further his culinary skills on other members of the prison community.

If we as society think about it, we could maximize the potential and turn prisons into sort of human self recycling battery farms, fatten them all up on each other till the last one remains and gains the title of prison Master Chef. We’d give them an award and send them to the next prison whereby he could get stuck into he next batch of big juicy prisoners.

Plus, as general peace-loving non criminal members of the community it would maybe help reinforce the desire to not commit crime quite so freely.

Its one thing to be locked up, but another to be locked up with Hannibal Lecter…

I say vote now for your prison to host the next Master Chef and help fight crime, cook a criminal today…

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

*(Image by unknown source)

Aliens ‘hijack’ Nasa’s Voyager 2 spacecraft…

Finally… The story I’ve been dreaming of, the changing point in mankind’s perception of the universe, the concept that we are not alone…

Life in outer space!

“Aliens have hijacked a NASA spacecraft and are using it to try to contact earth, a UFO expert has claimed.”

And that sadly is where the story then goes tits up!

A UFO expert…

Say no more. I could be a UFO expert, but then so could you. In fact I have decided that I am one now anyway… So, Is there a college you can enrol in to become a UFO expert, a Diploma you can take, an apprenticeship you can take? After passing all five stars at McDonald’s, do they promote you to UFO expert…?

No!

What were left with is probably an individual who has probably watched too many X-files shows, owns his own re-mastered digitally enhanced Star Wars collection on DVD, and Video, and who enjoys taking trips to all the latest Sci-Fi conventions. He is probably fluent in Klingon and knows that deep down, he knows a lot more about the Roswell incident than anyone else because he’s seen footage on the internet that proves that it like many other incidents was just a big conspiracy…

“Since its launch, Voyager 2 has been sending streams of data back to Earth for study by scientists, but on April 22, 2010, that stream of information suddenly changed.”

Wow, sounds promising so far! Maybe instead of sending back valuable information about the Universe and space, it’s now posting YouTube video’s on NASA’s homepage, tagging them in photographs taken from the Hubble telescope and poking them whenever possible…

“Hartwig Hausdorf, a German academic, believes that the reason Voyager 2, an unmanned probe that has been in space since 1977, is sending strange messages that are confusing scientists, is because it has been taken over by extraterrestrial life.”

Well, does it really take much to confuse scientists…? Clearly with matters involving science and the laws of physics and probability they are probably difficult to sway, however with common sense and rationality I wouldn’t have thought much would be able to have them all stood around scratching their heads.

Ask a scientist for the time of day though and they will undoubtedly want a hundred and one parameters to subdivide the locality, the conditions in which time and space is relevant and the proximity to your exact whereabouts at the moment in question.

I just want the time f*ckwit. Don’t make me slap you for it…Because I will.

So, on the other hand, there could be a simple explanation!

“NASA claimed that a software problem with the flight data system was the cause but Mr Hausdorf believes it could be the work of aliens.”

I’m with Mr Hausdorf on this one. You see several years ago I had a strange encounter with a copy of Windows 98, whereby for several years my computer had been working fine, till one day unexpectedly and without apparent reason, its stopped working…

My local PC expert claimed that the Hard drive may have failed, maybe the software had become corrupt, maybe I had no power in the building or simply I had unplugged it by accident, maybe I had wiped the drive, maybe I had removed vital components from my PC subconsciously…

Fortunately we discovered the source of the problem. ALIENS…

It was clear. The reason why I hadn’t spotted it before was because when they’d travelled the length of the universe to reach mankind and sabotage my PC, they also obviously beamed me up and probably probed me in all manner of sexual ways, clearly for scientific experimentation.

When they had returned me to Earth they had wiped my brain of any memories of the nights events and left without trace. I know it seems hard to believe but its true. How else could I explain my PC not working and my fetish for Galaxy chocolate bars!

Fortunately for me the therapy has helped but I still have lingering doubts as to what happened on that dark night.

It was dark, obviously, the clues in the ‘night’ bit, it may have been sinister as well, I have no recollection of what I may have done to them either. Waking me in the middle of the night can often have painful repercussions for anyone trying to disturb me from me from my slumber, especially if your from another planet as my ex-wife often found out.

I don’t think that I’d be one of these people who would idly stand staring at the sight of an Alien space craft descending to Earth, nor would I probably be one of these who calmly wanted to make first contact in a civilised manner. I could be wrong who knows, till it happens (again) I won’t know.

Firstly I believe in equal rights to everyone, that includes men women and especially Alien lifeforms.

If I get the choice, anyone seen trying to get into my house would be met with the same brutality as that of a Burglar trying to steal my worldly goods. To be honest, I don’t care where your from. What your reasons, why or how, but I will do all i can to make sure the police never found your body again.

It’s just the way it is. If you’re a Burglar no one knows where your going, when you’ll be back or what to do if you go missing, and I’ll do my damned best to make sure that me and the local Police aren’t wasting unnecessary Tax payers money by trying to justify your sorry ass robbing people for a life. No way.

It does make me think though, one day I really must return to the house i was living in at the time and actually have a look at what’s under that hastily built pond I made that night!

But seriously, Aliens do that sort of thing. Why else would they have travelled all that way to Earth just screw up my PC without their being a deeper meaning… I also further noticed on inspection that I had run out of cigarettes and that all my Monster munch had gone missing during the night as well. The copious bag of weed that was mysteriously in my house was half empty and there wasn’t any chocolate for miles…

Aliens I tell you… They’re everywhere…

So, after further examination of my PC it turns out that I had indeed been visited by Aliens. Not only had they sabotaged my PC and half eaten my munchies, smoked my weed and left the TV on, but they had messed my hair up and stolen my Rizla’s.

That was the last straw.

Similarly to Mr Hausdorf, I suspect he’s also wondering where his Rizla’s are this morning…

“NASA claimed that a software problem with the flight data system was the cause.”

So who do we believe, a bunch of scientists working for NASA or a self acclaimed UFO expert…? I know where my money is…

He told the German newspaper Bild: “It seems almost as if someone has reprogrammed or hijacked the probe – thus perhaps we do not yet know the whole truth.”

Conclusive proof that we are about to maybe face the biggest threat to humanity.

If you want my advice…

Lube up and get ready for Invasion!!!

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

Bra-vo, another great design… Show your support!!!

This I loved…

The headline – “Rice bra supports Japan’s farming fad “.

“Home kits that allow people to grow their own rice are very popular online. We thought that it would be fun if a bra could give people the same experience,” said Masuda.

A Bra that can grow rice…! Finally, my dreams have come true!

I’m ‘almost’ at a loss to explain the sheer delight in knowing that as well as complimentary Breasts accompanying my future rice plantation, they also sell a Bra that comes with a sushi set…

I won’t feel quite so bad ordering a number ’69′ from the local Oriental Chef in future, knowing that it probably does come with rice this time. My expert knowledge on rice-growing isn’t as vast as I hoped for however I can see the global benefits already.

Could it be that mankind has finally found a way of easing the global food shortage? Have we really taken a step closer to being completely self sufficient as a species? Have we really designed the ultimate ‘wonder’ Bra?

- I wonder if she’s wearing the Sushi set or the Rice Bra tonight…!?

Are we really so unbelievably shallow and commercially driven that we have to think of ever more idiotic ways of gaining publicity… YES, it appears so.

I’m all in favour… I personally can’t wait for them to bring out the new ‘doughnut’ making Bra, it won’t self sugar them but that’s the good bit I’m looking forward to!

I suppose you don’t have to stop at just growing Rice either, you could grow Huge Melons if you had the support needed!

The Bra is filled with soil and rice seedlings that are watered through a hose that also doubles as a belt that goes around the wearer’s waist. The bra also comes with gardening gloves. Not only practical but it also comes with accessories that are functional as well…

I’ve always been in favour of helping farmers, now more than ever. So Ladies, why not help you’re struggling Economy by fertilising your tits today…!

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

*(Image by unknown source)

Mankind Invents ever more stupid ways of putting us all at risk…

New – ‘Drive with your eyes’ car unveiled…

So, it’s clearly not dangerous enough driving as it is, with say your hands and feet, now we can look forward to having a car steered by vision alone…! Wow, sounds great in theory…

Well, If the theory works on the principle that it comes with goggles that remove your libido at the same time…!

I’m not sure how many beautiful women these scientists will want me to run over before they realise that having me drive a car by vision alone could lead to just a few problems… You see, the problem with being able to steer a car by vision alone allows the mere mortal human being within us all to be subjected to more than a few distractions… men and ladies alike…

I won’t be the first to admit to nearly parking my car in a number of different locations by accident whilst being temporarily distracted by members of the opposite sex in my earlier years, and in fact I have nearly run over several people of the same-sex just for being complete wank*rs also…

So where’s the advantages of having a car that will have me arrested for running over the woman of my dreams when I see her walking down the street one day…

I’m all in favour of gadgets and technology that will assist in our day-to-day lives however, unless the vehicle comes with a brake that you strap to your dick, I won’t be buying one any time soon…

I’m sure there will be safety procedures that hopefully try to prevent such things from happening, but then I’ll run the risk of never seeing the woman of my dreams before there’s a thud and a scream coming from the underside of my bumper, purely because of human nature…

- “Hmmm, she’s nice…” THUD!

Sure we can soon find an alibi to cover ourselves from the many impending disasters that will happen thanks to these brainless morons trying to change we steer a car, but what’s the point…

- “Sorry officer, a fly flew into my eye and before I knew it I’d driven clean through the shopping mall and ended up in Agent Provocateur by accident.”

Easily done for sure!

Plus what about women… They already have trouble getting past most shops without incident as it is… They do WITH hands AND feet being partly in control, and often with a man screaming at them as well… either in the car – or not!

Lets face it, most women would probably end up driving backwards due to the amount of time they spend looking in the mirror and putting their lipstick and make up on, No seriously…

So how’s that going to help…! I’m not being sexist, it’s just a fact women, you do, at least till you hit something, (me probably from now on) but hey, it’s all just to emphasise a point…

Statistically women are supposed to be better drivers than men, but statistically statistics never impress me that much as 37.4% of all statistics are all made up. I know because I just made that one up and anyone who says differently will be 65% inaccurate with a 50% chance of being right.

So be honest, how safe would you feel if your wife/girlfriend was driving past a Jimmy Choo sale…?

Exactly my point…

Before you even had time to go clean through the windscreen she’d be filling the boot up with accessories and a number of other items that she didn’t need – just because they were on sale…!

These are just a number of my immediate worries, as thankfully for us all I haven’t had much time to think of any more, but they speak for themselves…

And Ladies, unlikely though it may be, could you ever imagine your man successfully navigating past an all female Beach ball game without finding yourself parked face first in some ones ass covered in sand wondering why you were alone in the car…!

I rest my case…

Safety first… Fortunately I suppose as the Camera has to be set up and calibrated, it could record what you were looking at as well I guess which certainly wouldn’t help either. Not only would you be staring at things that you shouldn’t be looking at, but there’d be evidence to prove it too…

I can’t think of anything else which would lead to you being bludgeoned to death at the wheel faster myself if I tried…

Their aim is to: ‘Make a significant contribution to the development of accident-free, efficient and environmentally friendly mobility.’

Well, to be honest, apart from the ‘accident-free, efficient’ bit they’ve got it nailed…

How it’s supposed to environmentally friendly escapes me at this moment in time, however I’m sure that by maybe causing more accidents this vehicle would lead to less cars on the roads in the long-term…

Its genius…

The upside is that this idea probably won’t work. It’s another quality Idea from people who have far too much time on their hands and clearly not enough sense to take their pants off before they go to the bathroom.

Just like the inflatable Bicycle pump, the Nocturnal sundial and the Euro. If will have a limited lifespan and probably fall into the hands of those incapable of using it correctly in the first place.

And what about all the Blind people in the world, how are they supposed to be able to use it…?

That my friends, is Discrimination…!

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

*(Image by unknown source)

Back to the whole Aliens thing I'm afraid, very afraid...!

So, the Irony isn't lost in yet another class news story from the other side of the world...

The headline reads :
"Russian politician claims he met aliens on Moscow balcony"...

Nothing unbelievable about that surely? What's not to believe about visitors coming probably light years across the universe to visit the future president of the World Chess Federation on his balcony...

Maybe they were worried about being late for entry, wanting that extra time to familiarise themselves with the rules or just simply hoping to get special rates on ring side seats.

I enjoy a good game of Chess now and again however I'm not sure I'd be hot footing it across the universe to meet the head of the organisation beforehand though, especially on his balcony. You'd have thought his secretary would have had something to say about the whole affair being a little unexpected.

"Sorry, Mr. Ilyumzhinov isn't available right now, he's currently busy being telepathically shown around an Alien spaceship on the balcony at the minute, if you'd like to leave a message he'll get back to you shortly..."

And so another unremarkable day at the office passes without incident. Not sure who his usual guests are but you'd think someone would be a little more phased by the events, like maybe his Driver, the minister who was apparently present and the 'other' guest, unless of course the other guest that isn't mentioned happens to be Buzz Lightyear...

Of course its purely speculation but the story fails to mention anything about the fact that being met by Aliens on your Balcony isn't a matter of concern to anyone other than the people in the FIDE (the World Chess Federation), who may somehow doubt his credentials for re-election.

"Bizarrely, Mr Lebedev said he felt it was necessary to check whether Mr Ilyumzhinov had revealed details about his job or state secrets during his unusual encounter."

His Job, state secrets... WTF! I mistook Chess for a game. Somehow, lost in translation is the fact that whilst moving Bishop to King Pawn you may divuldge state secrets. I wondered why every time I lost I had to sign an official secrecy act form.

It all makes sense now. My previous rant about Aliens didn't allow the insight or wisdom of Mr Hawkings to comment on a pre-empted visit by the local Intergalactic Chess appreciation society, who may all be after Kasparov's secrets, not to mention maybe a touch of global domination in between matches...

Thankfully Domino players worldwide can all now breathe a sigh of relief until the next visit from your table game friendly Aliens from afar...

Fortunately they didn't come to Greece, otherwise trying to decipher a friendly game of Tavli would have left them wondering what move the 'Malaka' move was as its so commonly thrown about during matches...

Plus I don't care how good they are at parking, balcony or not, only a Greek can find somewhere to park in Athens...Like peachyness, its the law!

Φ)

For more please visit : http://fckdupathens.wordpress.com

The joys of getting old...

So, as if its not bad enough ageing brings forward the inevitability of dying sooner than expected, we also have to deal with any number of outrageous natural causes trying to finish us off as well as everything else.

On top of accidental causes, stupidity and well, the 'human' factor, we also have global factors and sod's law to deal with. Despite all this, it seems many of us will continue to tempt fate with every opportunity possible before we are happy to let nature take its course - and yet we do so happily.

With people ever pursuing new ways of feeling younger its no wonder we expect to meet our maker sooner than planned, however taking a trip to the bank is not something that we should be wary of, is it...?

The picture featured says a lot. Not that I'm age-ist but there is a common factor in that getting older that makes us less capable of...well, everything!

I'm relatively OK with getting old as it happens to us all and there's nothing we can do about it however many of the people I know who are getting about shouldn't be allowed to drive at any age let alone when they are old.

I gave up driving when I came to Greece, you have to. Its the best alternative to sanity or keeping some of it at least. If I chose to drive here there'd just be one more maniac on the roads however, one who was actually trying to run people over within the confines of the rules of the road at least.

Coming to Greece teaches you to forget what your taught about driving, parking, and well - laws in general, however its not that Greeks are bad drivers, they have adapted into a symbiotic entity that navigates through a semi coherent system of anarchy which in the rest of the world we would call 'a traffic system'.

Each and everyday I marvel at the sight of cars bikes and everything else in between battling for supremacy on the streets, pavements and any other piece of land that open warfare can be fought.
Years ago Mad Max was made, based in a world where people fought for survival amid hot arid landscapes, trading fuel and trying to survive in a post apocalyptic world whereby those who dared the most ruled supreme.

Now its called Athens!

Its not quite post apocalyptic yet but there is definitely still time due to the current Government reforms that are set to cripple each and everyone of us slowly but in all fairness, its a controlled anarchy which after much observation proves just how well some Greeks can drive.

Greece is about the only place in the world where you can see people park cars into spaces smaller than their actual cars, regularly and without any realisation of what they have done. Likewise, you also see people abandon vehicles in a manner that suggests the end of the world also nigh.

Bikes, vans and lorries could probably be manipulated into people's front rooms if they so chose as parking is so bad here, however all credit to everyone, I still haven't seen anyone hang a Mercedes out of a seven story building yet! If they did I'd hope it would be the Parliament buildings and that it would have at least several members of Parliament hanging onto the bumper too...

Whereas in America they have the luxury of having parking spaces, here in Athens you'd be able to get at least several vehicles hanging out of the same hole. Its a prime requisite here to maximise space.

So, getting old.

Age, wisdom, experience are all common elements acquired through time in making us all believe that we are smarter and better prepared for life in general, however there is a small part in each of us which I will appropriately call the 'numpty' factor, which relentlessly strives to prevent common sense being used efficiently, or which allows such pictures to be taken.

Its not that getting old makes us useless, it just makes us fair game. If you do something stupid or accidental when your young its generally considered OK, you'll learn from it and people seem to have more understanding.

When you hang your Car out of a building by accidentally pressing the accelerator instead of the brake it opens up a new dawn of realisation that friends, family and people who maybe don't know you will remember for a long time to come. Age WILL suddenly become a small but significant factor in the conversation.

I know I wouldn't get in a car with this guy no matter how good behind the wheel he was. Previous driving instructor, ex cop, Limo driver, NASA Pilot - I'll walk thanks, and when you come to parking I'd sooner risk the Ejector seat...!

Don't get me wrong, 67 isn't an old age by any standards, for anything - however this did remind me of a number of people (who shall remain nameless), who were or still are driving not so long back to my knowledge despite vision, reflexes and a multitude of other factors trying to ensure that everyone within a 50ft radius might die at any given time.

I'm sure if I make 67 I'll still want my right to run people over and abuse the world in anyway befitting me however in an ever increasingly un-politically correct world, I'm sure it won't be long before technology manages to enable safety features to prevent such occurrences from happening, which will be a real shame.

Apart from the comedy photo and the priceless Insurance claim this guy now has to fill in, it provides a small bundle of joy for so many. Lets face it, misfortune happens to each and everyone of us and in many ways, its those times whereby we appreciate life that little more for whatever reason.

I'm sure this guy will have the best coffee that day, will sleep the best nights sleep ever, and will hopefully never drive again!

- "Call it an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything..."

Its not my quote, I just like it and sure I know I'll have it thrown against me for sure when I get older but hopefully by then I'll be too old to care, deaf or not realise who the f*ck you are telling me something I don't understand anyway...

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George Bush : The Book - Mein Campf 2 (The sequel)

Well, Its got Best seller written all over it surely...?

Called 'Decision Points' - it will hopefully centre on 14 "historic and controversial" decisions Mr Bush made during his eight years in the White House.

1. First day in Office - Opening the Door on my own.
2. Discovered Europe and a few other countries exist.
3. Threaten that Mad Ass Hussein dude some more, dad never liked him.
4. Apparently under attack. Must find that Bin Laden fella we trained some years ago.
5. Discovered Mad Ass Hussein has chemicals of Mass Reduction. Hair dye, Bleach and a tube of squirty cheese, surely these are dangerous, must act now.
6. Sold Tony Blair an absolute kipper about Mad Ass being more dangerous than the Spice Girls, he's definitely on board now.
7. Once Tony's sold the rest of his spare Military equipment to Mad Ass we'll convince the world he's mental and its game on.
8. Discussed the ethics of the 'War on terror' with my Military advisers and legal team.
9. Looking for new Military advisers and legal team.
10. Spoke to Tony, had a great laugh discussing strategies, decided on 'Shock and Awe' tactics.
11. Firstly, shock everyone by having no tactics and watch them stand back in awe...
12. Decided on a Peace strategy - Seems we Peaced everyone off.
13. Wow, its windy today, probably won't decide on going to New Orleans for a while as everything seems OK so far.
14. Oops, been advised it apparently it isn't.

"It also examines the former Texas governor's decision to quit drinking, his discovery of faith and family relationships."

Well, lets just all be very f*cking thankful he'd come of drinking and believes in Faith...

What kind of faith is that then...? Or was I not at school that day! I know there are many people who aspire to be Jedi Knights, but it does seem that Bush got a little carried away with the whole Darth Vader take on the story if that's the case. To be honest if he'd been wearing head to toe in Black I'd be a little more understanding on the man.

Fortunately you could hear people all over the world whispering to each other, "Since he came off the drink, he's such a nice guy you know"... Before he quit, if he'd had a few beers it wouldn't take him long to get his old Adolf Uniform on and start Goose stepping across the ranch. His wife always laughs about the story of when he woke up drunk wanting to Invade Poland, but thankfully he's a changed man now.

So, it was worse than I feared...

Was he an alcoholic before he was voted in, or did everybody vote for a Drunk in the first place...? And yes, before people mention it, YES, we did know Tony Blair was a slimy egotistical f*ckwit maniac before he got into power.

Why people voted for him also is beyond me, but I'm sure if i were to look back at the competition it wouldn't have been good either way, and one Muppet's as good as the next, and whoever it would have been would have still been blowing Bush anyway so the name's really redundant... But it is scary.

Is there really a need to waste supplies on printing such a book? Well i believe there is. In many parts of the world people often have to go without so many basic things that to own such a book would count for so much in the lives of the many affected by such touching stories, thankfully soon the kids of Baghdad will soon be able to have their own treasured copy of Bush's memoirs to wipe their arses with...

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